1. “What were you thinking?”
Your husband is not going to need some devaluing words when
he comes back home and shares with you how a situation he handled at work
backfired on him. He will be looking for empathy and support. You may be
allowed to disagree with how your husband issues but if he doesn’t need your opinion,
just keep off. Notwithstanding, if he demands for your opinion, then he is
looking forward fir a problem solve, not to be taken as a loser or be taken
worthless. Instead try something like this: “actually, if it were me, I perhaps
would have said this_____.”
Try and keep it simple and plain.
2. “That’s all you did?”
Husbands read their wife’s mind perfectly every time. But
this is not in reality. If your husband couldn’t perform what you expected from
him perfectly that is if he is not up to the standard you are expecting from
him, make your own assumption instead of vomiting your disappointment in his
general direction. Your husbands accepted to arrange the kitchen cupboard while
you go to the market. You come back home to see his definition of “arranging”
is him putting the spoons in the fork rack and vice versa, and putting the pots
on top of the cupboard instead of arranging them in the pot’s rack. In your
mind, you are thinking a five-year-old could do a better job. However, you
weren’t specific about what “arranging the cupboard” means to you. You should
instead try this: “I really appreciate you offering to arrange this cupboard. I
realize that I made a mistake by not being specific about where spoons should
be kept and where the pots should be, so next time, I’ll be more specific. All
the same, thanks for your help. It means so much to me that you actually did
it.”
3. “Stop touching me!”
Geez! Maybe after stressful workday you’ve just had, child
screaming, house chores and all that, and your hubby wants some sexy time,
instead shaming him for asking or making him feel miserable, respond with a
kiss or an embrace. You allowed to feel that way but try your best and respond
as nice as you can. You can also say thus: “sweetie, I want to relieve myself
from today’s stress so that I can really satisfy your needs.” He is not dumb;
he will understand what you are trying to insinuate without you making him to
feel a total rejection. Don’t use the excuse as a free hall pass for the week:
both of you are still responsible for each other’s sexual relationship. Try and
make out time and feel ready for sex and let him know when you are ready and
willing.
4. “What’s wrong with you?”
Frankly, it’s comparable to cutting off his penis. You may
say it jokingly, no harm done; but when you reply with this comment because
your hubby didn’t remember to buy the baby’s diapers. I can guarantee you that
he will never again accept or offer to buy the diaper again. Someone can
express her feeling through attacking with words. If he forgot something you
asked him to do; instead of being frustrated rather try this: “I know you
didn’t meant to forget but when you forget what I demand from you to help me
with, I usually feel like my needs don’t matter to you. Please try your best to
remember next time.
5. “You are pathetic.”
Youch! This is not cool to say to anyone ladies. Do not use
these words carelessly like a child will do when he feels angry, hurt or sad.
Always mind your words. Your hubby may say something which sounds attacking or
critical. Replying him the same way won’t solve anything. Be the adult and
reply like this: “I feel hurt or sad when you talk to me in this manner. If
there is anything I did and you feel angry or frustrated about it, then talk to
me as your partner, stop pushing me against the wall with your words.
So reflect on these and mind the way you use certain words
on your husband. Be an adult! Also be kind.
Good luck!
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